Morning mishaps

I’m not the brightest bulb first thing in the morning. I’ll be the first to admit it. I am in one of two states when I wake up:

  1. Wildly energetic and ready to do everything a mile a minute while gushing all the thoughts that have been trapped in my head overnight (often much to the dazed surprise of my poor sleepy husband)
  2. Half asleep forest elf that floats around the apartment watering plants and singing softly.

In both cases it takes a bit for my brain to acually aline to its normal cognitive behavior.

This morning it was forest elf.

Why not try out that new organic, earth safe fish fertilizer I bought?

Oh Katie, I hear you say. Oh Katie indeed.

So this thing has a pump style dispenser. As directed I shook it before using and twisted the top so the nozzle would pop up and I could pump. Unexpectedly this maneuver also caused rancid fish juice to squirt out the side of the nozzle near the bottom. Of course I get the one with the faulty nozzle. Now I would like to express that it says “low odour” on the back of the bottle. I don’t know what kind of rotting cesspool of decaying fish they were comparing this to, but I assure you highly concentrated fish pulp in a bottle is not something you want to get all over yourself and the kitchen floor first thing in the morning.

At this point I feel that most people would have abandoned the project and headed to the washroom to politely vomit for a bit before getting on with the rest of their day.

Not Katie the forest sprite.

I dutifully pumped 4 squirts of brown sludge into a litre of water in between gasps of fresh air and minor stomach convulsions and proceeded to water, not all, but my biggest and hungriest plants. The whole point of this was mainly for my newly budding Amnesia Haze (Amy) to get a bit of a nutrient boost. The things we do for love …

My advice:

  1. When opening new fertilizers do it outside or at least in the bathtub or over a sink with an exhaust fan on.
  2. Once you discover that it stinks to high heaven reassess when you want to use it and choose a time that you will be able to vacate the area for a few hours.

This actually happened yesterday morning so I can attest that once it was diluted and applied to my plants the apartment only gave off whiffs of rotten seaside sludge for the first 5 hours or so.

I’m going to file this under “Cautionary Tales”. This is not my first mishap, nor will it be the last. I will send them forth into the wonderland of the internet in the hopes that it prevents even one person from suffering the same sinister nasal bombardment that I inflicted upon myself.

Remember whenever you’re reading about someone “perfect life” that they’ve edited out the mishaps. No one is perfect. Keep on wandering through life in whichever way works best for you, and if you have the courage, share your missteps with others. They will share back and you’ll realize we’re all just human.

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