Morning mishaps

I’m not the brightest bulb first thing in the morning. I’ll be the first to admit it. I am in one of two states when I wake up:

  1. Wildly energetic and ready to do everything a mile a minute while gushing all the thoughts that have been trapped in my head overnight (often much to the dazed surprise of my poor sleepy husband)
  2. Half asleep forest elf that floats around the apartment watering plants and singing softly.

In both cases it takes a bit for my brain to acually aline to its normal cognitive behavior.

This morning it was forest elf.

Why not try out that new organic, earth safe fish fertilizer I bought?

Oh Katie, I hear you say. Oh Katie indeed.

So this thing has a pump style dispenser. As directed I shook it before using and twisted the top so the nozzle would pop up and I could pump. Unexpectedly this maneuver also caused rancid fish juice to squirt out the side of the nozzle near the bottom. Of course I get the one with the faulty nozzle. Now I would like to express that it says “low odour” on the back of the bottle. I don’t know what kind of rotting cesspool of decaying fish they were comparing this to, but I assure you highly concentrated fish pulp in a bottle is not something you want to get all over yourself and the kitchen floor first thing in the morning.

At this point I feel that most people would have abandoned the project and headed to the washroom to politely vomit for a bit before getting on with the rest of their day.

Not Katie the forest sprite.

I dutifully pumped 4 squirts of brown sludge into a litre of water in between gasps of fresh air and minor stomach convulsions and proceeded to water, not all, but my biggest and hungriest plants. The whole point of this was mainly for my newly budding Amnesia Haze (Amy) to get a bit of a nutrient boost. The things we do for love …

My advice:

  1. When opening new fertilizers do it outside or at least in the bathtub or over a sink with an exhaust fan on.
  2. Once you discover that it stinks to high heaven reassess when you want to use it and choose a time that you will be able to vacate the area for a few hours.

This actually happened yesterday morning so I can attest that once it was diluted and applied to my plants the apartment only gave off whiffs of rotten seaside sludge for the first 5 hours or so.

I’m going to file this under “Cautionary Tales”. This is not my first mishap, nor will it be the last. I will send them forth into the wonderland of the internet in the hopes that it prevents even one person from suffering the same sinister nasal bombardment that I inflicted upon myself.

Remember whenever you’re reading about someone “perfect life” that they’ve edited out the mishaps. No one is perfect. Keep on wandering through life in whichever way works best for you, and if you have the courage, share your missteps with others. They will share back and you’ll realize we’re all just human.

Is there anybody out there?

It feels strange to know my thoughts are just out there, floating in the sea of the internet, to be swept up by random passersby or not. This website is basically just an edited dairy on cannabis research. I generally refer to the whole shabang as my research project. Anyone who saw the stacks of books I keep around wouldn’t argue with that description. But you don’t know me. Why should you listen to a stranger on the internet?

I’m a florist. I didn’t start off there though. I wound my way through engineering chemistry at Queens, which I was not a fan of (engineering that is) … finished off a chemistry degree. Worked in labs in both the environmental and pharmaceutical industries until I decided to wander off and explore the world. I’ve slept in bamboo huts in tropical rainforests, snorkelled with wild sea turtles and have met some of the most amazing people you could ever wish to meet from all walks of life. My love of plants continued to grow along with an avocado plant named “Dorm” which grew from a pit I sprouted under a bed in a 12 person hostel room. So I turned back to my roots of farmers and mennonites where I initially learned to nurture plants in the garden. I went forth into the world once again, close to home this time and landed in a flower shop surrounded by a jungle of living, breathing tropical plants to tend to and learn from. The last 5 years have been constant botanical study. I read books on dirt and trees and micropropegation. Feel free to follow my advice or choose someone else’s. There is no “right” way to harness nature but if you’d like some help I’m happy to be your guide. I’m used to more face to face interactions but as I’m generally the one doing all the talking anyway I suppose this isn’t really all that different. So I’ll lie here on the couch, listening to some wonderful tunes and chat to the abyss, imparting “words of wisdom” just like Christian Slater in “Pump up the Volume”.

Making babies xo

“Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.” – Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music

When growing cannabis there is always the initial question: seeds or clones? This is up to personal preference as well as ability to nurture seedlings but for the pure joy of horticulture I highly suggest seeds. There are few things as satisfying as germinating a seed and watching it grow. There’s a reason that horticulture therapy is a thing.

Where to start? Let’s assume you already have some seeds. You’ll also need:

  • Jiffy peat pellets or seedling mix in a pot
  • Water
  • a small cup of some sort
  • a small dish
  • tweezers if you have some
  • Patience

That’s it. This is not the only way to start seeds. You can use the paper towel method if you prefer but I like to follow the simple techniques my grandfather used when planting his vegetable garden. He was a farmer. Who am I to argue with a lifetime of germination success?

  1. Put the water in the cup.
  2. Drop the seed in the water
  3. Wait 24 hours
  4. Soak the peat pellet in water in your small dish
  5. Make a small hole (no more than a cm deep) in the pellet for your seed to snuggle down in
  6. Carefully remove your seed from its water bath and place in hole (it’s easiest to drain the water and use tweezers for this)
  7. Cover your lil lady in a moist blanket of earth and wait.

Tada! Make sure the pellet doesn’t dry out and she will break earth soon (a few days). Unless she is a Jack Herer seed. They generally seem to take another two weeks and you’ll think you did something wrong. You didn’t. They take ages to germinate.

There are a few finer points here. I use rain water. Other sources will tell you to use RO (reverse osmosis) water. If this is your first time then just concentrate on getting it germinated and don’t sweat the small stuff. If you leave tap water out overnight the chlorine in it will dissapate but water straight from the tap will not kill your seed. Plants want to grow. They pop up in the most unexpected places, reclaiming the cracks in the pavement and overgrowing ruins of long lost societies. Just give them a cozy place to start and let nature do her part.

Adventures in boxed baking

My mother’s side of the family is Mennonite. Well … a combination of Mennonites and Old Order German Baptists. Differences aside, this means I grew up in the kitchen cooking from scratch.

There I stood, like so many novice bakers, staring at a shelf of prefabricated cake mixes and icing, wondering how to choose.

I went with the classic. Betty Crocker brownies. There were 2 choices: Original (or so I’d assumed) or chocolate chunk. This was obviously a no brainer. Who doesn’t want chocolate chunks? The more the better.

As I later discovered the options were actually frosted or chocolate chunk. That’s right. No frosting in the choco chunk box folks. Choose wisely.

Trip #2 to the grocery store while I allow the brownies to cool. Now I’ve got a tub of frosting too. How else am I supposed to decorate it?

To be honest I felt a bit silly while I was making them. My mom is going to read this. She’s going to know I’ve made boxed brownies. However, I persevered in the name of science and discovery. It was fun. So easy. Just add some water (to which I added some vanilla because I’m not a monster), an egg (or two for a more cake like density) and some oil.

Oil you say. Well conviently enough I had made up some cannabis infused coconut oil.

These were the easiest edibles I’ve ever made. A little frosting and some chopped treats to finish it off and voila:

Sugar mountain.

Nom nom nom

Now as the evening draws near and the sun lowers on the horizon I’ll ease onto a giant pile of pillows and blankets on the couch and let the weight of the world drift away. It’s a tough life sampling recipes for this site, but someones got to do it.

Before you start growing Cannabis

Before we get started it’s probably best to consider the possibility of a learning curve while trying to cultivate this oh so trendy (yes, I said it) plant. Let’s face it. Weed is in. Big time. It’s popularity is growing and so is your grandma. My best advice is to start by talking to someone you know who grows plants. All plants. Vegetables, flower gardens, houseplants … the more their house looks like a jungle the better. It’s not that these people are secretly growing pot (though there’s a good chance) it’s that they have spent years caring for their green friends and know more than any book will teach you. Reach out to old farmers. They can guide you through ways to make your crops flourish. It’s their livelihood and also how we get our food. Farmers feed cities. After all this who knows, perhaps you’ll start keeping houseplants and growing veggies too.

Here is a link to a charming article from the Globe and Mail for those of you who struggle with growing:

“Canada’s saddest grow-op: My humiliating adventures in growing marijuana”

Story by Ian Brown

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/appview/cannabis/article-canadas-saddest-grow-op-my-humiliating-adventures-in-growing/

Buck up Ian. At least you’re not this guy:

https://www.thegrowthop.com/cannabis-news/australian-man-spared-jail-time-for-growing-weed-because-his-pot-plants-were-terrible

CNE Daze

AKA: my adventure leaving the house.

Last night I went to the CNE. With a broken toe you say? I assure you I made full use of the free train around the park and spent most of my time laying on the grass at the back of the CNE bandshell with my foot elevated on a partially inflated beach ball. Three cheers for inflatable pillows. (Pro tip: you can also inflate the bag from a box of wine if you’re in a pinch)

Why would I go through all this trouble? April Wine was playing. Keep in mind the CNE is about entertainment. Its not just rides and shopping. Once you’re in there are a tonne of free shows to go to. It’s a lovely place to go and relax if you do it right. Nothing can beat the happy twinkle lights of the midway at night and the bizarre people watching one can enjoy by simply sitting there. And the food. Good God the food. It’s stoner paradise. So if you’re looking for something to do tonight I highly suggest getting a lil high, and heading to the EX. (PS they also sell booze)

Someone bring me a mango

I love mangoes. They are truly heaven sent. However my kitchen, much like the Bangkok fruit stand pictured above, seems to be devoid of this wonderful fruit. I was reading a lovely wikileaf article today and came across this …

It’s official. I was right. They’re the best. The full article “Eat Foods High in Terpenes To Enhance Your High” can be found at: https://www.wikileaf.com/thestash/foods-enhance-your-high/

Why should you bring me a mango? Because I’m on the couch with a broken toe and it’s medicine guys. I’ll take a mango over a pill any day.

Why am I here?

No, I’m not asking heavy questions. I mean why am I here writing this blog? Now that Cannabis is legal, not only does this present a myriad of new products but also the ability to grow your own. So here I am, to guide you through the excess of information on the internet. I’ll share articles that I think are helpful, give you tips on growing and talk about the wonderful world of medicinal cannabis. You have questions. We all do. I’m here to help you find answers.

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